However that is about to change!!

In just over 3 weeks I'm off to spend 9 glorious days on holidays in Singapore. I'm so excited i can barely contain myself! And I will make a big promise to all of you know - HEAPS & HEAPS of photos will be taken and I promise to post the best and most interesting ones to Buzznet!

And now that our long Christmas break is here I look forward to checking out everyone's pics - I have a lot of catching up to do :)

Merry Christmas

Here is one of the articles including Todd.

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,,25905470-662,00.html

Let me know your thoughts and comments.

Summer romance fallen apart. Hearts that cannot aline as their owners have to be in two different places.

There has been longing, torment, hurt feelings, joyous heart swelling, tears, smiles, laughter, long silences, extensive talking, declarations of joy, frustration and anger, tender sweet nothings, harsh revelations, drunken ramblings and careful responses.  And all this has occured with us living hundreds of kilometres apart. 

Distance sucks, matters of the heart are always sensitive and hard to deal with and the unknown path of the future is scary and frustrating.

If I could be anywhere in the world, it would be in his arms.

I'm very new to the site and I wondered if any of my lovely buzznet friends were using it. If you are let me know and I'll add you!

Tweet.

Town had been a fairly unexciting event although I had spent most of the morning psyching up the nerve to head into town. I was still nervous of my reactions around people and the detriment an empty brain plagued on me. What if people recognised me and wanted to chat? Even though I was small town gossip, they still came and chatted to me frequently forgetting I knew few names and certainly can’t remember the time I swam with their kids at the creek during one of my summer visits with Aunt Joanie and Uncle Roy. But I had to also take in their kindness, the type of true, sincere kindness that can only be found in the country.

The farmers markets in Silver Creek had been successful with Joanie and I rushed off our feet at our market stall. We had little to unpack from the old ute when we returned home to the farm as the majority of our goods had been sold.

I hefted a foam box of potatoes, a trade-off from another market holder for some of our butter nut pumpkins, from the back of the ute as Joanie grabbed a cardboard box of empty glass jars. I guess more jam making was now on the job list. However my afternoon was already occupied -  James and his mysterious coffee outing.

I yawned loudly as I lugged the heavy box towards the house.

‘Gees Claire, you could have landed a Boeing 747 in your mouth just then!’ Joanie cheekily remarked.

‘Sorry I’m just so tired!’ I replied as I stretched my neck gently from side to side.

‘Must be all that farm work, hey! Good for you! You are looking better everyday!’ Joanie commented carrying her carton inside the unlocked front door.

‘Must be!’ I drowsily smiled, hiding my true fears behind my tiredness.

Every night the past week I would wake several times to the sounds of voices and noises, scarily familiar yet unidentifiable. My heart would be racing like a freight train each and every time and it would take me several minutes to calm my heart rate and at least an hour to reassure myself enough to fall back into sleep. Although my sleep could rarely be described as restful. Dreams filled with scenarios accompanied by the same feeling of familiarity yet I was unable to identify what was actually occurring. Even after sleep I would wake long before dawn more drained of energy than when I first hauled myself into bed. Most mornings now I was willing the sun to rise just so I could escape from my bed that was not becoming uncomfortable to bear. Even though I felt like a walking zombie it was better than the racing heart and spinning mind that now accompanied my sleep.

I was hoping that today’s coffee outing would give me the caffeine hit my mind craved to keep me awake and at a distance from the night-time demons.   

I promise I'll be back ASAP :)

Love to all, Lara 

The number was a landline, not a mobile. Joanie said she thought this bizarre in the modern age when most people, especially young people, used mobile phones. Mobiles frustrated Aunt Joanie no end, as a woman who was techno-phobic and always complained that despite people having mobiles she found with certainty that most people would answer their home phones with more frequency then mobile phones. This is the same woman who refused to have a computer, a fax machine or even a DVD player. Yet Joanie is the type of person who could hold a conversation with anyone, littered with knowledge and worldliness and leaves you feeling the same. Not bad for a lady who has spent her entire life in one town, married to one man, biding the last 35 years of her life running a small farm and spends more time conversing with chickens than humans.   

Stretching across the cushion clad swing seat I typed the number I had been staring at for ten minutes into the phone. The ringing tone sounded as the line connected then suddenly my stomach developed a slight churning sensation. Why did the nervousness hit my after the phone began to ring? I couldn’t hang up now!

‘Hello’

I recognised Sandra’s voice immediately. Why couldn’t James have answered the phone? I hadn’t even thought of what I was going to say to him and now I had to think of what to say to his mother without making an even worse impression than a few days previous.

‘Good morning, or is it afternoon now?’ I stammered trying to shuffle up my left sleeve one-handed to see my watch. Great start!

‘It’s still morning Claire! How are you darling?’

I was stunned Sandra recognised my voice and it took me another moment to compose myself.

‘Fine thanks. I was just returning...’

‘James’ phone call’ she interrupted ‘I’ll grab him for you. Just a moment’

I heard her set the phone down before I had time to respond. Now the butterflies were back, doing some type of acrobatic technique in my stomach. They grew worse as the time stretch on for what felt like an eternity before I heard the distinct scrap of the phone being pick up off its perch.

‘Well hello Claire’ came the cheery yet ever so slightly slurry voice.

‘I’m sorry did I wake you?’

‘Do you always only apologise to people or can you manage normal conversation?’ James replied cheekily, now more alert.

‘No, sorry!’ Oh dear! ‘I mean, yes I can actually hold a conversation. I was just returning. ..’

‘My call. Thanks.’ Like mother, like son. ‘I was hoping Joanie would pass on the message. She said you were very busy. I assumed by that she meant you were talking to the goats again and I suggested she not interrupt you in fear of getting drenched!’

‘Actually I was picking peas!’ I stated with some inflection of importance ‘Why wouldn’t she have passed it on?’

Was there something I should know about James?

‘Well I know she is very protective of you at the moment’ he casually answered.

‘Oh’ I awkwardly responded.

‘Well I did ring earlier with a purpose’ James stated, filling the awkward silence ‘ Joanie had been telling my mother of your love of coffee and as we share this interest I wanted to know if you would like to come for a drive with me to Brownell tomorrow for a caffeine fix? I’m in desperate need of a little cafe culture!’

‘I, ah, have the markets - tomorrow!’ I stuttered realising I had been a topic of conversation.

‘I know, Joanie told me that when I she enquired what I was calling you about! Like I told you – protective!’

That would explain Joanie’s coy look when she handed me James’ number earlier.

‘So what about in the afternoon after the markets?’ he asked again.

‘Okay!’ I was down to one word answers. I was coming across very intelligent. And why had I agreed? I didn’t really know this young man!

‘It’s set then. I’ll see you tomorrow, 3pm at Joanie’s. Bye’

‘Bye’ I stammered before the line went dead.

At that moment, Joanie walked out with a cup of tea in each hand.

‘Going for coffee then? ‘

I rolled my eyes at her then accepted the cup from her outstretched hand.

‘I’m not sure that the rational part of my brain wasn’t affected as well in the accident!’ I said before sipping the steaming milky tea.

Joanie just smiled and sipped her tea. ‘He’s a nice boy Claire,’ she thoughtfully said ‘and it will do you the world of good to get out and chat with someone your own age.’   

I nodded absently, uncertain of my own opinion on the topic of my social habits.

‘What can it hurt?’ Joanie replied to my thoughts.

1. Not sweat the small stuff - a bad habit

2. Be better to the environment - I'm not always a very good environmentalist!

3. Be not so afraid

4. Try and be happier, accept who I am and appreciate the wonderful things I have in my life.

Tomorrow, or today really after I've had some sleep, I am going to post a journal outlining number 4 in more detail. I encourage others to do the same - list the things that make you who you are and why you are special and unique. You may just be amazed at who you really are!

Well happy new year everyone!!!

Love and peace to all :)

1.       Fast Times at Barrington Times – The Academy Is...

2.       Only By The Night - Kings of Leon

3.       Other Voices, Other Rooms – The Getaway Plan

4.       Konk – The Kooks

5.       Pretty. Odd. – Panic At The Disco

6.       Oracular Spectacular – MGMT

7.       Narrow Stairs - Death Cab for Cutie

8.       Viva La Vida – Coldplay

9.       Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend

10.   Intimacy – Bloc Party

Top 10 Songs of 2008 (according to my i-Tunes!)

1.       Mad As Rabbits – Panic At The Disco

2.       Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon

3.       Electric Feel - MGMT

4.       Where The City Meets The Sea – The Getaway Plan

5.       Always Where I Need To Be – The Kooks

6.       I Kissed A Girl – Katy Perry (guaranteed to get everyone on the dancefloor and produce the most ridiculous of dance moves, high up due to too many house parties)

7.       Decode - Paramore

8.       I Don’t Care – Fall Out Boy

9.       Walking On A Dream – Empire of the Sun

10.   About A Girl – The Academy Is...

Many may not agree but TAI’s album made my smile from start to finish and dragged me back to my teenage years filled with drama, angst and friends loved and lost! William Beckett achieved his goal with at least one long time fan! Stella work guys J

As for Panic’s number 1 effort in my i-Tunes well deal with it – the song makes absolutely no sense but you can sing along with it as effortlessly as Brendon Urie’s luscious vocals can!

Top 10 things in general of 2008 in the World of Lara

1.       The Academy Is..., Panic At The Disco and Cobra Starship touring together in Australia – the best 3 ½ hours of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.       Twilight – the novel not the film!

3.       Robert Pattinson – didn’t say I hated everything about the film

4.       Moving into my new place

5.       Finishing university – finally, woohoo!

6.       My new camera – only took me 5 years to get a new one :)

7.   Ryan Ross making RayBans cool again!

8.       Finding the perfect little black dress – box ticked!

9.       A new US president (elect) – I may not be American but everything that happens there affects us here in Australia, I smell change in the air.

10.   My hometown getting a McDonald’s – sad but true! I can now get a coffee after 3pm on any given day. I have been denied this my whole life in my little beloved country town. Only a true caffeine addict could understand my excitement!

As the week had continued the weather had gotten warmer. I don’t think the farm will see any more snow until next year. I was sad as the thought of snow excited me, or maybe it was just Joanie’s stories of icy adventures. Joanie had been telling me how I use to toboggan down the little hill behind the house when I came to visit with my father in the winter time. When I questioned her about my mother’s absence from these memories Joanie quickly attempted to change the topic.

I had found the plastic red toboggan in the work shed last week. As I carried my basket of parsley sprigs into the work shed I glanced over to the dusty toboggan leaning up against the back wall. 

Why hadn’t my mother been here with us? My parents were separated, according to Joanie, and they still lived together in Melbourne. I abandoned my basket on one of the work benches.

Crossing the cluttered shed I spied many relics of Joanie’s past, I wonder how many of my past memories are linked in here. A trike missing a wheel hung from the roof on an old s-bend hook, a few sets of worn snow skis in varying sizes stack on the wooden rafters of the roof and large plastic tubs filled with Christmas decorations stored under some of the workbenches. I reached the toboggan. Running fingers I could feel tiny ripples along its edge, signs of its much use.

 Suddenly a feeling of terror spread through my chest. I gripped the edge of the toboggan with both hands, knuckles white. I heard a child’s terrified scream. Dropping the toboggan from my now shaking hands, it fell to the floor with a crash. I momentarily followed it to the ground. The world spun, the floor spun, the room spun, my head spun. Sitting on the floor I concentrated on willing my mind to stop. As panic took over, I could sense my blood speeding through my veins and heard a whooshing in my ears. What on earth had just happened? The vision seemed so real, the scream, the voice itself. I breathed slowly making sure that the oxygen was travelling to my scattered brain.

‘Claire’ yelled a voice.

No I definitely heard that.

‘Claire, morning tea! Where are you girly?’

I breathed deeply, refocussing and pulled myself up from the floor, slowly. My head was fuzzy but it wasn’t spinning quite so wildly as before. I grabbed the twine from the work bench and my abandoned basket of parsley.

My mission as I entered the door was to find some paracetamol for my throbbing head. I was still a little confused and beginning to feel a little queasy.

‘Well I should take the hose to men more often’ chuckled Aunt Joanie as she held out a torn piece of note paper as I walked through the kitchen ‘James rang looking for you.’

Surprised I took the paper from Joanie ‘Really!’

She gave me a coy look as she continued stirring what looked to be another cake batter.

I picked off pieces of partially dried cake batter that smattered the scribbled number. Maybe now wouldn’t be the right time to tell Aunt Joanie of my morning brain flip out.